Let me start off by saying that this blog is not about religion, it just happens to be relevant right now in my life. In a few weeks I will be going to Haiti on a mission trip which I am as excited as I am scared about. Anyway, we have these meetings to prepare for the trip and today’s topic was praying and spirituality.
Since you guys don’t know me very well, I should give a little bit of a background on what my religious standings are. I was raised catholic by my parents, and well I’m still catholic to this day. I don’t however consider my person to be very religious. I tend to zone out at church and I honestly don’t pray unless I am knee-deep into shit and have no idea how to get out. So, why the mission trip? Well for all my life religion has been forced upon me and well the usual pray before the meal, go to church, pray in the car, etc. I guess I’ve gotten to a point in my life where things need to make sense and I need to stop being a robot, just going through the motions. So basically, I refuse to believe that religion is just the obligatory Sunday mass hence the mission trip.
Before I get too off tangent here, back to praying and spirituality. In the meeting our group leader, which is one of the greatest persons ever if I might add, asked us how we pray. I thought about this pretty hard because like I mentioned, I don’t pray unless it’s a literal cry for help. Yet, as I was thinking I realized that I actually do pray a lot more than I ever thought I did or would. What is prayer? A conversation between you and your higher being. Though I rarely formally pray saying things like Hail Marys for example, conversation happens between him and I all the time. Because when I think I’m talking to myself, it’s him I am actually talking to.
So, I got home after my meeting to an empty house. After three episodes of Grey’s Anatomy, I decide it’s time to get up from the couch and go to the gym. I go upstairs and walk into my parent’s room (they have an image of Jesus hanging about their bed) and I find myself looking at this painting. I suddenly start talking to it about my fears, who I want to be, who I’m scared to become, what I feel like I need in my life. Overall, unanswered life questions that we all have. After what seemed like forever of me talking out loud to a painting, I felt peace. That’s when I knew, this is what praying is.